i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I got inside last night via doggy door
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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