I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
