The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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