I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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