bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
