Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
