Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
