Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
