And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
so let's talk penis.
smell my finger.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
