you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
