I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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