last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
