Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize