I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
