We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
