Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
