I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
