Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
