There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
