i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
