Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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