i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
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Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
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I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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