Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
a search helicopter?!
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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