A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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