Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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