Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
