He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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