I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She bit a glass in half.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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