What tipped you off? The sombrero?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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