you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
