is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
