I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
foreskin is a definite game changer
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
