I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
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Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
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Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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