Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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