just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
