I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
