You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Blood and glitter go together right?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
