i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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