so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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