Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
