He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
