I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
