Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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