i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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