that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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