he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
