Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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