Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
