you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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