I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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