I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
