my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
