kristin has been a bad kristin
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
