please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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