Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
