Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
