i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
