Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
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