HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The police scanner is talking about you again....
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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